We speak for the both of us. @ Kamis, 14 April 2011

Weeheehee, kapan diriku terakhir ngepost disini ohohoh *stupidgrin*

Sekolah gw akhir2 tambah menggila. Secara sosial as well as akademik. Lu harus tau libur seminggu kita dikasih PR yg cukup buat stok libur sebulan. Dan gw mash ada 4 KD yg belom remed. And group projects. I presume I've only got a few days until my head explodes into little bits and pieces.

........

It's this thing again. The 'I-don't-know-what-to-say thing. It's really taking over me. Kemaren ada sedikit kesalahpahaman interpretasi waktu pulang. Jadi gw ngira temen gw melakukan sesuatu yg nyinggung perasaan padahal dia melakukan sesuatu yg lain yg jelas-jelas gak menyinggung perasaan siapapun. Dan gw bener2 galau setelah itu. Gw curhat abis-abisan di hape, gw simpen di draft. Ampe 3 text penuh semua. Terus tadi gw ngomong sesuatu yg bikin gw ngeras [/FAIL]. Sumpah, berapa lama sih waktu yg gw bener-bener perluin sampe gw bisa dengan gak grogi ngomong biasa gitu ke orang? Maksudnya, orang asing kan bukan biawak atau apa. Bukannya biawak itu nyermin. Kemaren gw bintama makan biawak dan ternyata enak meskipun gw denger-denger biawak itu haram dan kalo makan sholatnya gak diterima 40 hari tapi itu masalah lain.

LOL MAJOR INTERRUPTION COMIN THROUGH.

Dan orang yang gw ajak ngomong itu bukan orang asing sama sekali. Nyaris tiap hari gw ketemu meskipun gak ngomong, but I still couldn't manage being oh-okay about it and ended up acting totally awkward. Which felt bad. Real bad.

Emang kenapa sih kalau gak nyantai? Dia kakak kelas, oke, sopan silahkan, tapi gak usah segitunya. Gak bisa apa gak grogi? Kenapa sih lu selalu berpikir kalau lu bakal ngeluarin kata-kata yang salah setiap kali lu bicara? Emang lu pikir semua orang sempuran? Emang lu pikir lu harus selalu sempurna karena selama ini lu berusaha untuk sempuran and now you just can't help letting everyone know your real self, your true image? Atau emang lu cuma mau jaga image tapi malah jadi gagal total dan merusak apa yang lu usahain? Well, lemme brighten a few things here. One, stop being perfest/ You're not. Nobody is. And you can just lay down and stop pushing yourself too hard because everyone is as wretched as you are and that is completely fine which is something you should thouroughly understand. Second, image isn't everything. You've seen it yourself, when people like you, they'd want to know you. You, your true self, not the person you put on as a poster on your face. Pull the poster off so people can see you. Don't dunk them in lies. It's notlife easier for them or anyone at all. And third, speak up. I want to hear you. I wanna hear what you gotta say, what's in your head, and I've heard you've got something brillliant goin' on in that slosh of a brain you got there. And why? Because I'm you. If I want myself to lead a good life, I want to see you lead a good life. It's reciprocity. We feed us, we nreathe for us, we speak for us. You don't speak for yourself, you speak for the both of us. It's a connection none of us can ever break, so you better get it right or none of us will survive. I can guarantee that to you. I fudging can.

I must clarify this to you non-existent readers: I, for one, have just spoken with myself.

Masalahnya gini: kalau gw cuek, semua orang bakal mikir kalau gw orang careless songong yang gak peduli sama apapun. Tapi kalo gw terlalu waspada, gw sendiri tersiksa. Dan gw bakal nyiksa diri sendiri di depan orang lain.

Harus gw akui. Sebagai remaja, menemukan keseimangan itu gak mudah.

Label: Life, life equilibrium, me myself and i