I miss him, too... @ Sabtu, 11 Juli 2009

“Jared!”

Tomo ran across from one room to another, his hands were full of chords sheets. It was a pretty hot day in the middle of summer, and the studio soon felt like a fuggy underground cave under a burning, underground sun. So hot, Tomo had to take off his Iron Maiden shirt.

“Hey Jared, where are ya?”, Tomo shouted, quickly picking up the sheets he had dropped after moving his shirt to one hand. He sought everywhere; the kitchen, the bathroom, even the attic. He said he wanted to fetch a bottle of beer, but it had been 30 minutes and no one took that long just to fetch a bottle of beer.

He kept looking everywhere. He’d been waiting for that beer for half an hour, and for him it was unacceptable. He was running pass the machine room, when he thought he saw someone sitting on the floor. It was Jared.

Tomo stopped running.

“Dude, where’s the-“, Tomo said, but couldn’t finish his sentence.

Jared was all wrapped in a melancholic silence, looking down as his long hair sticked on his somewhat soaked cheeks. The room was so quiet it felt like being strangled. And Tomo soon knew why.

In Jared’s hands was an old photograph of a once so glorious rock band, playing one of the best shows of their lives. It showed four men smiling while performing on stage above the screaming crowd. Jared himself, Shannon, Tomo…and Matt.

The room now seemed even worse than a cemetery. Tomo stood in the doorway, completely losing his words. He could feel his heart thumping faster and faster, and his stomach felt like it was ruckling into a tiny piece of meat. All in all, he somehow felt really, really horrible.

Jared, on the other hand, didn’t seem to notice his friend. He was still sitting there, his eyes were swollen as he kept staring at the photograph.

Tomo couldn’t bear to do anything. He sighed.

“I….i miss him, too.”

Jared suddenly turned his head and looked at Tomo, making the man almost jumped up of shock.

“There used to be four of us”, Jared said hoarsely, still holding the hptograph tightly in his palms. His face was all red and clammy, and his expression was a mix of fury and sorrow.


There was a few uncomfortable moments of silence before Tomo slowly stepped inside the room and sat next to his band mate. Jared looked awful. His hair was messier then ever, and his face was as creased as his shirt. Tomo was unable to do anything but to gently stroke Jared’s crooked back.

“He made his choice, Jared”, Tomo said softly, tapping Jared’s shoulder. “At least he’s happy.”

“I’m not happy”, Jared remarked, there was anger in his voice. He held the photograph tighter than before.

“Remember when we used to tickle him and he was all like, ‘Would everyone please….stop touching me!’? Where did that go?”

Tomo fell silent. The atmosphere went worse than it was a few minutes ago. Way worse. He looked at Jared and a small corner behind him.

There stood Matt’s old keyboard.

He gazed at the corner, picturing Matt pushing the tuts as he occasionally stared at the chords sheets. There was a sudden glimpse of him and Shannon causally grabbing away the sheets and Matt running after them with his glasses hanging from his ears. They always made fun of those glasses, but it never pissed off Matt. Tomo remebered how funny his old friend was, the way he smiled and telling them to sing with him. It was the same corner they used to play songs together, and the thought banged Tomo’s brain as if with a huge hammer.

All of a sudden, Jared rose up and walked away from Tomo, wiping his nose with his sleeve.He dropped the photograph near the doorway, and it slipped under a cabinet. His figure quickly dissapeard in the dark hallway, leaving Tomo alone with himself and the abandoned photograph.

It took a few seconds until Tomo snapped back and reached under the cabinet, trying to retrieve the hptograph. But by the time his finger touched the end of it, he suddenly pulled back his hand.

His thought raged wiolently in his head. He;d beend trying to get over the fact that Matt is no longer a part of 30 Seconds To Mars. And he actually succeeded. At least until Jared somehow found the photograph and made his memories came rushing back in like a fountain filling up a big, empty lake.

They’d all came back. All those days of touring, performing, and playing with their food. He remebered those times when him, Jared, and Shannon picked on Matt while he was begging everyone to stop touching him. Those unforgetable moments of sharing laughter. And he let himself wallow in it. It was joyful, calming, yet painful and stifling.

Tomo didn’t know what to think, or feel, anymore. His heart couldn’t handle the pressure and now it hurt like hell. He had never felt such pain before. His whole body was numb, like a shut-down computer. Numb

“God…”, he murmured. Slowly, he stood up and massaged the back of his neck, when he stopped moving.

Grasped in his hand was the now-crumpled photograph. Half shocked and half confused, he ironed the photograph with his hand and curiously asked himself, “Did I pick this up?”. He didn’t realize.

Looking at the photograph, he couldn’t help to recall that day of their success. It was an award show, a show they were really proud of.He stared down at the bassist standing next to to the vocalist. That bassist was smiling.

Tomo realized, it was possible for Matt to be smiling just like this right now. And it drew Tomo’s face a smile, too. He knew, Matt was happy.

The man quickly jumped and closed the room door as he walked out of it. Walking along the hallway, he glanced at the photograph once again.

“You never really left us, didn’t ya?.”

And stuffed it safe inside his jacket.

Label: 30 seconds to mars, fanfic, ideas, jared leto, matt wachter, story, tomo milicevic